You know, it’s even better than just being in a relationship. It’s being in a relationship and knowing where it’s going. It’s understood that the hashtag Relationship Goals posts aren’t the full picture and that the intensity of the initial infatuation levels out over time. But how do you know if you’re not just leveling out but slowly making your way to the exit? Do you work even harder in a relationship?
Or are the signs motioning you toward the solo fly zone? We won’t tell you what to do, and only you can decide for yourself when enough is enough. However, here are some signs that one frequent could mean it’s time to make a relationship status change.
#1_What is the problem?
No one can agree to work on an issue together.No matter the method. You first have to all agree on what it is, so you’re both working on the same thing. If one partner believes the other is the source of all problems, and the other thinks that it’s the dirty dishes causing the fights, frustration will skyrocket when each party tries to solve a different problem. Common ground is required to make real change. Each party making half-baked potatoes does not a meal make.
#2_You would rather spend time anywhere else but with them
Calm down. We get it. The pandemic forced us all into constantly closed quarters for way longer than any of us planned. Needing to have a couple of hours of alone time here and it is totally normal and healthy.
We’re so not discouraging that. What is a sign of this might be the end, though, is when the feeling of wanting to be away is constant. It may be to the point where you might try actively finding other things to do, either alone or with other people, solely to not spend time with your partner.
#3_ You’re getting serious cold feet about the future
Let’s whip out our crystal ball and just kid. None of us know the future. All we can do is plan smartly for it and have some contingency plans if things make a detour. So when you’re looking ahead but realize that either your partner doesn’t fit anywhere in that picture, even if you really want them to, or if you feel deeply uneasy about it, don’t ignore it. This could be a chance to look at things as a whole and objectively figure out why you feel this way.
#4_You’re both firmly growing in different directions
Change is good, even if it doesn’t feel that way at the moment. A mark of growth is changing. However, that doesn’t mean we grow the same way. This isn’t good or bad, just different. Depending on your needs, you may choose to get out the gardening gear and work on growing together. Adjusting to each other’s changes. Sometimes, though, the paths are wildly different, or one partner is rigidly fixated on their path. So growing together isn’t reasonable or possible this might be a sign to flourish somewhere else.
#5_ you see only their flaws
Love is blind and isn’t that true in the beginning? We tend to ignore all the flaws at first. Over time, sure, we see some and accept them along with their positive traits. Should the way you view them now be the complete opposite of the beginning, and all their flaws override everything else, that may be good about them?
Maybe things are starting to derail when you’re not only noticing mostly their flaws but are outwardly complaining about them to your friends all the time, to the point where they might start asking, why are you even with them? That could well be a sign that calling it quits could. Be healthy for both of you.
#6_The prospect of another partner seems more appealing
Don’t worry too much about that cute bartender you saw, or the attractive coworker you noticed is attractive. We’re still human. And just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you suddenly don’t know what good-looking is. Do note if, while thinking about someone else, you’re also entertaining leaving your partner for them. If the notice undermines the connection with your partner, this could be a sign that the connection is weakened and may be on the verge of breaking.
#7_ Your arguments are escalating
Disagreements can be healthy, helping us to learn more about each other. If they become discussions with solutions, that is not healthy. Arguments that are constant, petty, and have no solution. Maybe the argument was never meant to have a solution, and you’re both just hurling anger at each other like supercharged fireballs. The only intent is to hurt the other person.
So don’t throw in the towel if there’s a fight. But it isn’t a bad idea to assess what exactly is the goal of this fight? If it’s simply for mutual destruction, the relationship may well be over. Our relationships can be hard. We know nothing truly good ever came easy.
So it’s understandable that sometimes we give more time, thought, and patience to our partners than we would to others. Even so, it’s always good to know your own boundaries so you can see when it’s healthier to walk than to stay.
